I've lost track of who I've shared my recent ear surgery and recovery with in person, via voice mail, text, Facebook or eBay and those I may've overlooked all together. I blame it on the drugs. So I'm taking this opportunity to write a blog about the whole adventure...I had a stapedectomy last week, a procedure where they replace the SMALLEST bone in your entire body with a stainless steel wire in the hopes you will be able to hear better. If you'd like to see an actual procedure, check out this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqJibRVfnQE Honestly, I couldn't watch the whole thing and usually, only boogers make me nauseous!
First though - thank you to EVERYONE who checked on me, guided me on wobbly knees, consoled me, encouraged me, brought me lunch, sent me flowers or made fun of me in a most affectionate way! I am a lucky lady to have so many caring family and friends.
The first few hours after surgery (Thursday, January 5th) were miserable, with the world spinning faster than any Merry Go Round you've ever been on. I had to reassure the kids that I wasn't in any pain as hubby patiently and caringly assisted me from car to front door. From there I quite literally crawled up the stairs to the bathroom, tinkled, crawled to the guest room and then collapsed onto the bed. Dear Lord! No night of partying has ever produce the spins like this. But, unlike the drunken spins, these subsided as soon as my eyes were closed. When I woke up about 2 hours later, 80% of the world had come back to rest. And within the next 4 hours I could walk, mostly upright, to the bathroom. Whew!
I spent the next 2 days/Friday & Saturday pretty much catching up on all the crap that TV has to offer, sleeping...and eating like a frickin cow! After nearly 48 hours of no food, and some empty tummy barfing, my body was an all-consuming machine! I hope it burned at least a fraction of the calories I consumed but based on my level of exertion, it's highly unlikely! I also brushed my teeth somewhere along the way and was startled to discover that the right edge of my tongue was numb. Fortunately the doc warned me about this possible, temporary side effect. But up until I brushed, I had absolutely no hint that there was anything amiss after surgery. Some other possible side effects include facial numbness, a lasting metallic taste, long-lasting dizziness, and of course, complete deafness. Since I experience none of these, I tried to convince myself that I was only imagining that my tongue was numb. But after I poked, prodded and pinched it a bit, I had to admit that indeed, there was some numbness. Of all side effects to experience, this was by FAR the least of my worries.
By the 3rd day/Sunday I started going a bit stir crazy. My butt & back & neck hurt from being in bed so long and it's not the current season for any of my favorite TV shows. I started putzing around the house, tinkered here and there, talked myself out of ripping the 25' of gauze out of my ear ('cause it was ITCHING like a MOTHER!!) and made several 'to do' lists. I went for a stroll with Devin to Starbucks (if ONLY there was a TULLY's nearby!!) and felt pretty good. Then I tested the waters even further and sat behind the wheel of my car. I followed (not stalked) Devin, slowly, as he rode his bike to a friend's house. Driving straight was good but headhchecks no so much. Oooh. Ummmm...not feeling so good by the time I drove the 1/2 mile back home. Dashed were all hopes of going into work tomorrow. I collapsed on the bed in the 'infirmary' and fell into a deep hibernation. I woke up a few hours later, starving, again, and ate anything and everything left in the fridge! By now I thought a beer sounded good too. I popped one, took a swig, let the carbonation and hops sit on my palate for a moment and then...dumped the rest out. I know, right?! Have you EVER seen me waste a beer on purpose?!
Something to keep in mind is that I already have a hearing aid in my left ear and the surgery was in my right. I am not supposed to sleep on my right ear during recovery, nor is it comfortable to sleep with the hearing aid in the left. So when I remove the aid and sleep on my 'good' ear, I am pretty much deaf. Aleah and Chris were very gentle and would slowly, methodically, increase their vocal volumes as they tried to wake me up in the morning. It went something like this ... mom...uh, mom....momma?.....hey, um, mom? (Dad, should I keep trying? I don't want to freak her out? Yes? OK...) Mom. MOm? (clear throat) MOM? Hey...MOM! MOM?! (Jeeze dad. She can't hear anything!) HEY!!! MOMMM!!!! (OK dad, you try...I give up!) Hon?...hey honey...um, wife? Hey THERE. Can you hear me? ANYONE HOME? (Jeeze, Aleah, you're right! She's dead to the world!) Mo, can you hear me?! HONEY?! WIFE! Jesus Woman! Are you alive?!? Ohh.....hi! There you are Sweetheart. Sorry to startle you!" I was ultimately glad to see them of course, but they said I always awoke with a look somewhere between pissed, confused, perplexed & constipated. (are you getting a good mental picture right now?)
By the 4th day/Monday I resolved to go into the office tomorrow, if nothing more than for a social visit. I was slowly going INSANE! My ear itched like CRAZY!! I needed a distraction! I even called the doctor and tried to bribe him. I'd do anything to get this wet, nasty, itchy 25' of gauze out of my ear! He said no, via the receptionist, and then asked if I wanted to delay my followup one more day so it would be a full week. HELL NO! I'm ready to pull this SH*T out myself and I pay your salary, Buddy! I am keeping my Wednesday appointment and you better be frickin on time when I get there! (Ha! I sure told him!!) I do more putzing, tried to process some insurance paperwork but balked at the $11 the UPS Store was going to charge me to send my 3 page fax, went grocery shopping, had a lunch visitor and then fell fast asleep. Fortunately, my friend brought SO much food that there was plenty left for dinner. I am comforted knowing that, second hand, I have been able to provide a good meal for my family and sleep at the same time! I like this multi-tasking stuff! Very efficient too!
5th day/Tuesday, I set a leisurely pace, walked to the nearest coffee shop, got mud on my pants, had to change them, and then slowly set off to go to work. A tractor beam pulled me into the slow lane, a lane I am not usually familiar with. I repeatedly find myself thinking "Jeeze, you're going fast!" only to look at the speedometer, which was barely registering 50. No wonder blue hairs were passing me and giving me the bird! I don't think a Driver's Ed car has ever gone so slow. I was fortunate enough to find a close parking stall at work, collected my slightly spinning head and bumbled to my office. I'm not sure if I actually accomplished ANYTHING during my 3 hours there, but it was so nice to interact with my peeps. Of course, they did give me some scolding and put me on restriction from driving a work vehicle. But I took it in stride. By the time I got home, I was exhausted...and hungry. But for some reason I decided to hop on the riding lawn mower and be outdoors a bit longer. I usually don't wear my earplugs for this chore, but did today and will continue to do so in the future. When the rest of the gang got home we went out to dinner & then Devin read me a bedtime story. I crashed after about 2 minutes, but then woke up about an hour later. Tummy apparently didn't appreciate the carnivorous meal I inhaled earlier and now I was wide awake. I watched some show on Ancient Egypt and another on Nostradamus, then Ax Men, Swamp Loggers, Dirty Jobs, Moonshiners and some reruns of That '70's show. I finally fell asleep around 1 a.m. I think,
6th day/Wednesday - Chris came in to say goodbye and wondered if I'd really make it into the office again. He knew I'd had a restless night. YES!! I'm going in! I can't stay home again. I was able to drive in the fast lane this time and only felt slightly woozy as I walked from my car into my office. I stayed a bit longer than I probably should've but was again happy to be doing something other than watching TV. Finally, it was time to set out for the much anticipated followup visit. Where I sat in the waiting room past my appointed time...15 minutes, 30, 45 minutes, an hour went by. I'm on the verge of tears and ready to rip the gauze out myself. The doc is running SO late that the two receptionists locked the door on their way out and left me alone in the waiting room. Finally, finally I am called back into the exam rooms. I think the doc could tell I wasn't interested in small talk. I wanted the crap out of my ear and NOW. Oh sweet Jesus! The immediate relief when he "pulled the plug" was euphoric. I enjoyed the moment and then asked if I could see the ungodly amount of gauze he had just extracted for myself. He pulls this tiny little cotton plug out of the trash, describing it as a mini tampon, and I shake my head in disbelief. "That's it? That's ALL that was crammed in my ear for the last week?!?!" He laughs at me and then I start to realize I'm not hearing as well as I assumed I would be after having whatever it was pulled out. He reassured me and explained that there will be some residual packing, scabbing, fluid behind the ear, etc. that will dissolve & resolve over the next week or two. It's not until that happens that I'll be able to experience my new bionic ear. As he's explaining this I'm also realizing that I expected to be dizzy again after having the gauze pulled out and the fragile balance disrupted again but that wasn't the case at all. I felt fine. Good stuff! I have some drops to help aid in getting the rest of the gunk out of my ear and am happily heading back home.
7th day/Thursday - another restless night spent in the guest room. The slats under the mattress started slipping out one by one and the mattress started sagging so I tried my best to 'high side' the bed all night. Chris woke me at 6:30 and I got on the treadmill for the first time in a week. I took a lovely mile-long speed walk as I watched the news...and could actually HEAR the news. Normally the TV is just on for something to stare at during my morning workout but today I actually HEARD the news too. It's all depressing and I will likely mute it in the future, but it was a cool experience. I had a very full day at work followed by some delish tacos and beer with a good friend, a pit stop at the grocery store and, at 8:00, I am ready for bed!!
I hope you've enjoyed my recap of my surgery and recovery. Take good care of your body - you only get one!
